Introduction – I stand before you today with a painting, a painting that to me is the quintessential expression of the absurdity of human existence. This fine piece of art is titled “Goodbye Mr. Chips,” and is the work of the noted Micropointalist, Stephen Goodfellow. While I could speak at length regarding the technical aspects of Mr. Goodfellow’s creation, I feel that there are more important issues to address at this time.
I. A picture of a man who has everything he needs
A. A telephone with which to reach out and touch someone
B. Convenient access to transportation for those times that long distance just isn’t good enough
C. Lots of nice neighbors in a friendly urban setting
D. The beginnings of a little garden to nourish body, mind and spirit
E. Little buddies to make bathing more bearable
F. A variety of smoking materials, for medicinal purposes only
G. A harmonica to blow the blues away
H. A fan to blow everything else away
I. A television, his window to the world
J. A library of the finest tomes
K. A clock to tell time, because time doesn‘t tell him
L. A sink to wash out those embarrassing skid marks in his underwear
M. A pet cockroach, because who needs a cat?
N. A tub of cool water for a warm summer’s day
O. A cold bottle of the best microbrew money can buy
P. A portrait of a lovely lass on the wall
1. He has a love life
2. She has her own apartment
II. The painting leaves two unanswered questions
A. What are the odds that the table leg would break at that very moment?
B. Which electronic device will electrocute him first?
Conclusion – I submit to you that this is a cruel world indeed when a man on top of it all, with everything going his way meets an untimely end due to a capricious whim of fate. Where is the justice? Where is the compassion?? Where is the duct tape to brace that table leg???
There oughta be a law. I rest my case.
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